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Post by 8two on Nov 23, 2017 18:18:14 GMT
Well I would have thought the heading would have contained 'Greeno' somewhere and surely our host should pin it, that's pin not bin it somewhere, so:
Anybody from Manchester?
A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Manchester United supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Man U supporters, too. Not really knowing what an Man U supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Man U supporter." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be an Arsenal supporter.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Gunners supporter. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Gunners supporters, and I'm an Arsenal fan, too!" The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Manchester United supporter."
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Post by Punky_John on Nov 29, 2017 13:28:46 GMT
I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions.'
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Post by Punky_John on Nov 29, 2017 13:29:31 GMT
Black Beauty – now there’s a dark horse.
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Post by smudger on Nov 30, 2017 17:08:02 GMT
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes...he's a catholic converter.
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Post by 8two on Nov 30, 2017 21:26:13 GMT
heard in the film solace just watched
Lady complains to her doctor that she has no sex drive. The doctor prescribes a low dosage of testosterone. She is told to book another appointment in a month. Duly a month later she again visits her doctor. "How are things?" asks the doctor. "Great" says the woman, "although I seem to be growing hair in places where non has grown before." "Where." "On my testicles."
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Post by Punky_John on Dec 5, 2017 13:12:20 GMT
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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Post by Punky_John on Dec 5, 2017 13:12:50 GMT
“Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” - Frankie Boyle
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Post by Punky_John on Dec 5, 2017 13:16:45 GMT
Even at school they thought I had special powers. What was the phrase ‘Constant super-vision’. – Milton Jones
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Post by shatter2 on Jun 6, 2018 11:19:09 GMT
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.......I can't put it down.
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Post by bms on Jun 6, 2018 16:57:50 GMT
What’s that tunnel called? Doug.
(It's the way I type them...)
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Post by flathatter on Jun 6, 2018 18:35:21 GMT
What’s that tunnel called? Doug. (It's the way I type them...) Aren't tunnels bored 'cos I am. Boom boom
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"Jokes"
Jun 6, 2018 19:43:33 GMT
via mobile
Post by bms on Jun 6, 2018 19:43:33 GMT
What do you call a banjo at the bottom of the ocean?
A start
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"Jokes"
Jun 6, 2018 20:00:48 GMT
via mobile
Post by bms on Jun 6, 2018 20:00:48 GMT
Doctor doctor, I feel like a carrot • Don't get yourself in a stew Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money • Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning Doctor doctor, what happened to that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of his body cut away?
• He's all right now. Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door! • don't worry, we'll soon pull you through Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is there no hope? • it depends what you are hoping for Doctor doctor, Help me now! I'm getting shorter and shorter! • just wait there and be a little patient Plenty more dreadful ‘Dr Dr’ medicine here if the above hasn’t yet cured any humour still lurking in your being... rubble.heppell.net/jollyology/doctor.html
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Post by shatter2 on Jun 6, 2018 21:21:22 GMT
Doctor I've broken my arm in two places, what should I do?
Don't go to those places. Tommy Cooper.
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Post by shatter2 on Jun 6, 2018 21:22:40 GMT
Doctor I've broken my leg, what should I do?
Limp.
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